Another Small Thing

     Remember when I said "It's the little things in life"? Well here's one for ya. Today, we met up with one of my mom's coworkers. She has family in Missouri, so she offered to bring some stuff from NM for us. Before they left, we had Dad pack a box of things that we wanted, and it arrived today!! Yay! Included in that box were some of my favorite clothes, a pair of flats, my winter coat, and... My CARDINAL SANTA HAT... which can be seen below! 

Isn't it awesome!? 

Today, I kind of had a mini freak out. My chest tube has been clamped for almost a week now. There have been no problems! This is great! Tomorrow we're going to the doctor again, and he's going to take an x-ray and decide if he can take the tube out! I'm super psyched! However, this does mean that it can collapse again, and that freaks me out. Every tiny little twitch I feel in my back freaks me out. I talked to both my mom and my dad about this, but it was most helpful to talk to Dad because he gets it. He really knows what I'm going through... pretty much anyway. Man, I miss him. But anyway, after we talked it out, we just stayed on the phone for almost an hour and half. We didn't really talk; I just played the Wii and he did his computer stuff, but it was still lots of fun. It felt like we were just hanging out at home. And, providing the weather and everything is okay on their journey out here.... 

27 DAYS UNTIL WE SEEEEE THEEEEMMMM!!!!!!!!!

Really, that's all I want for Christmas. I know that sounds corny, but it's true. I wouldn't care if there wasn't one present under the tree for me as long as I got to spend it with Dad, and Rei... and of course Mom too. :) 

Madame Confusion

Madame Confusion has become my new friend... or enemy... my fr-enemy. I'm still extremely confused by this whole matter. For a while, I had kind of accepted it, but now I'm like

WHAT?

HUH? 

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Isn't it supposed to work the other way? Aren't I supposed to be less sure in the beginning, then get more comfortable?Well it just seems fake. It doesn't feel like this is happening. It feels like it's just a dream. I mean, I slept all day today. WTF? I've never done that before. I feel like a different person... I don't want to be a different person, I liked who I was, thanks. I loved who I was.. Who I AM. This is only making me stronger. 

This is only making me stronger. This is only making me stronger. This is only making me stronger. This is only making me stronger. This is only making me stronger.....

Update

Today, we went to see the cardiothoracic surgeon. He was very nice and he actually gave me a little bit of hope. Let me explain a little. Right now, I have a chest tube in. It has a one-way valve on the end of it. That way, air can escape, but none will be let back in. Today, the doc looked at it and thought about it and based on the facts, he decided it probably wasn't working anymore (his words were "it's probably occluded").  I know this sounds like it's a bad thing, but really, think about it. I haven't had any trouble with my lung for almost 2 months now. If the tube isn't working properly, and I haven't had any trouble with my lungs, that means it has sealed! But just to be sure, he put a clamp on the tube so it for sure can't work. We are going back tomorrow for a CAT scan. The doc wants to know why I keep getting these pneumos. Another great note is that he said, based on my ability to exercise and the fact that my need for oxygen is low (basically nonexistent), the need for transplant maybe isn't as dire as we originally thought. Unfortunately, I'm not sure that means I can go home.... which is all I really want. Oh well. He also said one more thing that made me feel really good.

"A chest tube is one of the four most painful things to have. You must be pretty tough."

(With this, you must remember that I've had 6 placed and 2 failed attempts)

So damn right I'm tough. 

The day that I rode the bike, I think I over did it just a little. I told Mom this and she didn't like that too much. "Maggs, you gotta be careful. Don't overdo it too much," she said. 

"I'm sorry, it's not my fault. Once I get going on something, I just go. Once I put my mind to something, I do it. "

I'm a freaking freight train. Don't try to stop me. If I want something badly, those who attempt to stop me will get crushed in my path!!! 

So I have one last thing to say: 

BRING IT. 

Hmm...

Wow, I have lots to write about today. For the last three days, I've been brainstorming. Every day, I've had a topic to write about and then something gets in my way, and I don't get to posting. So, on with the important stuff.

   Mom and I have FINALLY moved into our own house! It's a cute little house, two bedrooms, a kitchen, a dining room (we never dine lol), a living room, and a family room. Oh, and I can't forget the basement! The basement is where my DANCING SPACE is going to go. We are working on getting a piece of plywood for me to tap on! And, it's so good to have my own space again. Not that I don't love my mom, and not that I don't just love sharing a bed with her, but I'm so glad to have my own room, and to not feel bad when I stay up until 3 a.m.

     Now, second thing: Thanksgiving. In the spirit of T-day, people have been posting on Facebook one thing a day that they are thankful for. So, here I'm thankful for how truly great my life is. It could be so so much worse. That was my positive side, now here is my negative side. To those of you who are thankful for Sonic, or Facebook, or cleaning supplies, I just want you to be aware of how juvenile those things are. Whether you post it or not, I hope you really realize the big things. Yeah, Sonic saves you from a crazy thirst, but even if there was no Sonic, at least you have family, at least your family is healthy and happy, and at least you're not starving.
     On that note, I will say a few things that I am thankful for.

• I am thankful that my stomach surgery went well. 
• I am thankful that my stomach problem was not at all related to the CF, and we don't have to worry about it happening again. 
• I am thankful that we have a place to live here in STLMO, and that we have family here to support us. 
• I am thankful that the bonds I have with my dad and my brother are strong enough to survive this distance
• I am thankful that we managed to stabilize my pneumothorax.
• I am thankful  that we live in such a world where we have the technology and intelligence to deal with stuff like this. 

And, the final note is....

Look at the picture, compare it to previous pictures I've posted. 

Something's missing.... What could it be?

Friends

     "If there's ever a day we can't be together,

           keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever." 

                                                    --Winnie the Pooh

My absolute favorite friendship/love quote. And it really applies today because today the Aztec High School PlayMakers kicked ass at the One Act Festival. Not only did they take state, but they also got the Four Corners, and Sweepstakes, along with many individual awards. I'm so so so proud of them! I spent a lot of the day kind of sulking. Being away from theatre and all my friends is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. It's killing me. But then I found out what they wrote on the program:

"Maggie, this production is dedicated to you. Your presence is with us. Stay strong." 

I'm not sulking anymore. I'm actually really happy. When they won, about four different people texted me, then they called me once they were on the bus! They haven't forgotten me, and I"m still a part of the team. That's what makes me happiest. I know I'm still a part of the team. So, today, I would like to dedicate my blog to my friends. I'm borrowing Pooh's quote. Remember that, friends.  (Or if you text/call me I'll be in your head instead! Lol.) 

I would also like to call attention to a specific PlayMaker who wrote on my Facebook wall, 

 "Maggie, you are the reason we did great. You are the beat mentor anyone can ask for!!!! I love you Maggs!!! ♥"

and another PlayMaker who tagged me "with" her in her post about Aztec winning state, even though I was not physically there. 

I wore my PlayMaker shirt very proudly all day, and now tomorrow, I can wear the other one with even more pride!  Thank you, B and Roger, and everyone else for making PlayMakers such an important part of my life. I mean, come on, you know you have great friends when they dedicate a freaking play to you. ;D

Expect the Unexpected

       Some of you are expecting me to post my opinions about the election yesterday, and some of you (those who know me) know that I really don't like politics all that much, so I'll just steer clear. Well you're both wrong. This blurb is the most I'm going to say about said election. You won't get my opinions, but I'm not completely avoiding it, so HAHA!.

On Monday, I did an amazing thing. I finished the first semester of my Pre-Calc class through BYU online (except for the final, which I take tomorrow)!You're probably thinking "You finished a class? Whoopdie-do." Well, this is impressive, because I did it in about 3 weeks, maybe 4. I know it was dumb of me to put it off until the very last possible second, however, that's just what I do. Besides, by the time I finally got geared up and ready to go on it, I ended up in the hospital. For 6 weeks. With a collapsed lung. And a herniated intestine. When you do your math under those (or similar) circumstances, then we can talk. Besides, it's not the point that I'm a lazy procrastinator, even after three years of honors classes. The point is that I got it done!

I would also like to tell you a story about my cousin. Yes, it relates to the blog of an optimist. So one day, Mom, Aunt, Cousin 1(older cousin), Cousin 2 (younger), and myself went out for ice cream. Cousin 1 decided he'd like a doughnut instead. On our way to Dunkin' Donuts, I asked Cousin 2 what kind of ice cream he got. He explained (in detail). Finally, at the end, he added "I already ate the whoop cream." Yes, whoop cream. Not whipped, whoop. Cousin 1 (can sometimes be a little bit of a butt) says "It's whipped, , not whoop." Cousin 2 turns to me and says "I can say it however I want. Don't listen to him." Exactly. You can say (or do, or wear, or see) it however you want to, and you surely don't have to listen to your older brother (or judgmental idiots).

Don't get me started on judgmental idiots.

Alice in Wonderland

You all know the story of the girl who fell down the rabbit hole and into another world. Well, today I realized that's how I feel. We were at this Estate Sale thing and I found an Alice in Wonderland snow globe. I just had to have it, not only because i have a small collection of snow globes, but Alice in Wonderland is my favorite, and it made me realize that's how this whole thing has felt. When I spent 6 weeks in the hospital, that was my fall down the rabbit hole. Then I went home for two days, that's the whole deal with the shrinking juice and the growing cake. I had hope that was so easily taken away. Since then has been the journey through Wonderland. I'm in a different place where people talk strangely, (I'm not even kidding. My mom, aunt, and grandma practically have their own language). I don't even understand them half the time! Anyway, Alice returns home eventually, and so will I. I just have to believe that. 

      Another incredibly inspiring thing that happened today also happened at the Estate Sale. There were stairs in this "estate," so Mom had to carry the oxygen tank for me because I"m not supposed to lift more than 5 ell-bees. As we were coming down from the top floor (where I had found the globe) an old man looked at us and said to me: "Do you have CF?" I was dumbfounded. How the heck did he know that?! But I pretended it was totally normal and nodded. "Yeah." You'll never believe his response! "Oh, me too... and I'm 66 years old." 66! Can you even believe that! That is so incredible for a person with CF! Especially because so much of his life was lived before there were enzyme supplements, and even more of it was lived before the Vest was invented! That is the best inspiration I've had all this time. Some day, I might see a little (relatively speaking) person with oxygen and be like "You have CF? Me too, and I'm 66" and then I'll think about this whole endeavor and I'll think "Remember when you were 17 and that guy said that to you? Remember when you had to have a transplant and there was a chance you could die but you didn't because you're a freaking badass? Yeah I do." And I'll be wearing crazy psychadelic pants and my hair will probably still be purple.. because I"m just that BAD-ASS.

Fried

THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE POSTED ON THE EVENING OF NOVEMBER 3rd...but the internet quit on me.

I try so hard to be optimistic, I really do, however, sometimes, I just need to cry. Tonight, my Grandma took my mom and me to see Daddy Long Legs, which is a play. It was a great show! There were only two cast members! It was a musical, and usually I love musicals, but tonight there was a song about graduation and it just made me really sad. I miss my friends. I miss having a social life. I text people in the middle of the day, and then, when they don't respond, I remember that they have lives, they have school. I miss home. I haven't talked to a person my age since we've been here. The only people I've spoken to that are even close, are my cousins, ages 8 and 10. I died my hair today. It's purple, but I've already shown everyone I'm going to see for the next few weeks.

It's hard to see the purple :/.

When I take a better picture, I'll post it. 

Okay, my computer is wigging out, so I'll just write with the words centered. Thanks for listening, it really helped me to vent a little. Tomorrow, we're going to an "Estate Sale." I've never been to an "Estate Sale" before... I actually don't even know that I've been to a garage/yard sale. Hopefully that will go well. 

You Know You're a Dancer When...

Happy November, Everyone!! I hope you all had a safe and wonderful Halloween! In case you're wondering, I was a panda.------>

Aren't I freaking awesome!? 

 Unfortunately, I didn't get any candy. People in STLMO don't like giving candy to teenagers. Not even teenagers as damn cute as me! Lame. 

So, back to the title of this post. Today, I was listening to my music and I found myself kind of dancing around. Also, we were cleaning out our soon-to-be house and I kept twirling and tapping, etc. I've really been missing dance lately. I really don't want to let it fall out of my life, I just love it so much. I've been stretching a little, but I really don't think I'm ready to start going to classes again. Anyway, I was feeling kind of down on myself about dancing, so I Googled "You know you're a dancer when..."  and when I realized I still do some of these things, even though I haven't officially danced in almost four months, I felt better. Here are a few things I read: 

                 You Know You're a Dancer When...

• You find yourself going over a combination in your head (or in your Converse)
• Cracking your hips is the best feeling ever (okay, I don't know about best...)
• You dance to every song you hear, even the TV commercials
• You die a little inside when you see people not point their feet when they're supposed to. 
• You describe your bruises (scars, blisters, etc.) as "FREAKING AWESOME"
• You get excited for new bobby pins 
• You hate one of your legs more than the other 
• You try to reach something in a high place, and subconsciously, you're in some sort of arabesque. 

• And, my favorite:  

                 You feel better when you dance :) 

This has never been more true in my life. It makes me cough like Hell, but even still, I feel so much better when I dance. 

And I can't forget to add a few of my own. 

   You know you're a dancer when....

• You take your pointe shoes on vacation with you
• You take your pointe shoes to the HOSPITAL with you
• You realize you won't be able to go home for... who knows how long and your tap shoes are the first thing you ask your dad to bring to you. 

Anyway, Keep Dancing and stay HAPPY!! :) 

Love, Maggs